My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
