I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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