she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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