Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
