summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
