I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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