I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
