dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
