Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
