giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
