my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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