I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
