you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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