i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
