Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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