At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
