Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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