I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
