peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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