i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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