People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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