you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
