She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
