I bet he comes in French.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
