i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
even my farts smell like vagina
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
