What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
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I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
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Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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