no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
