my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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