It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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