i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
