I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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