so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
BRING THE BAGELS
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
