Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
