If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
