so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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