My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
