just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
