lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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