Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
