I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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