My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Randomize
