I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
