Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
