oh god the rape fog is back!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
