Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
two words...techno handjob
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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