I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
