Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
