So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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