i will never coherently bang her
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
