I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
