Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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