I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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