So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
