I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Is Oprah even human
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
