chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
