We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
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why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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