Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize