Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
