i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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