I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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