So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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