Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
