Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He has the fingertips of a God
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