I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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