Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
