I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
