I'm jealous of your bromance
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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